2003-10-22 - 11:18 p.m.
Why does it seem like whenever I try to stop thinking about girls most of them seem to come around. There are now at least three people acting rather more than friendly towards me, whom I'd not considered before. I still don't even know the name of one. That's a might embarresing, but I'm just no good with names.
I've thought of a strategy that might work though. Next time someone knows my name and I don't know theirs, I'll just make up a cute pet name for them. That way instead of thinking that I am uninterested in them, they'll think I feel like I'm really close to them or something. Yeah, that'll do it.
The goal of my creative writing assignment today was to "explore how good writing can be the best revenge." WTF? I didn't know the school encouraged revenge. I actually opted out of the assignment becuase the idea made me sick. I'll make it up though.
College applications blow. So much to do, feel like I'm behind on everything at times. I'll keep working at it, I'm sure it will work out. It always does. I think that is more because of my response to the outcome of events, rather than the actual outcomes themselves.
As for girls, I'm still trying not to think about them, despite the obvious fact that they have been on my mind. I'll continue my friendships, and pay attention to the signs. If anything comes up, what the heck, I'll go for it, but I'm not expecting anything deep at the moment.
It's weird though, there are so many girls in my life that it doesn't seem quite right. I can't walk down the hall without seeing three or four girls that I'm found of. I have a feeling that it puts some people off. For instance, I'll be talking with Stephanie on the way to her locker, and then I'll run into several of these people (sometimes one, others six or seven), and it can be somewhat distracting as these people all expect me to greet or at least acknowledge them. It is worth knowing them all though. An acquaintance of mine who I haven't had a good talk with in a long while described me as "subconsciously playing the girls", or something of sorts. I thought the idea was amusing, and I could see how it might look that way to an outsider, but it really is not the case. I'm just friendly, and while I am looking, either actively or subconsciously, I carry no romantic notions for the majority of the people I spend time with, and even fewer of them have such feelings for me.
I don't know why I felt like writing that. I guess it makes me happy to feel popular, not because the people like me, but because I've stayed true to myself and they still like me. Granted quite a few of them are really just on friendly terms with me, it isn't like I hang out with most people or am invited to a lot of parties. Popularity probably isn't the word for it. Anyway, I'm happy with it, though at times it may not seem like much.
