2003-10-30 - 9:52 p.m.
I'm in a dangerous situation with Stephanie. We have been seeing more of eachother, I guess she is now confident that she can remain faithful to her boyfriend while with me. Honestly, I don't know how prudent she is being, but I do know about my feelings. I try my best, but I can't help but fall in love with people, and the more I'm around her, the more attached I become. I think it is okay though, being closer to her is probably worth the pain I must endure later, when we part ways.
This has always been true, for even if she were not already taken, I'm going to have to leave her when I go to college next year. The problem is a matter of boundaries, similar to what I had with Lisa. As long as it isn't physical, it is all perfectly innocent. This was more of a problem with Lisa, as she tended to be quite physical and outgoing, which is different than Stephanie. Also, I've learned from my experiences with Lisa, and I'm not likely to make the same mistakes again (or so I think).
Looking over it, this has been sort of a worthless topic. Just more relationship nonsense. People are too much work for intimacy, better to have friends. They are all too unforgiving in my mind, and too afraid of being hurt, and too unsure of what they want. Because I know that some do desire me, but for one reason or another they will refuse to act on it, and by the time I know enough to do anything, it is already too late. Bah, more nonsense. Just feelings and stupid thoughts that I have. I predict most of you reading this are buying into them more than I ever would, which is to say I don't take them seriously at all.
