2003-11-04 - 9:45 p.m.
Lisa and David broke up today. David is an ass. But he is also very stupid at times, so he might be able to find forgiveness in my heart at some point in the future. Running around telling people about it and how crazy she was before even telling her does not help my oppinion of him. I would like very much to hurt him right now.
I was frankly very afraid for Lisa today. She is slightly unbalanced, and I know she has invested a lot in this relationship, and this could cause a lot of problems. Depression, anger, possibly violence. I didn't get to talk to her until tonight. She was crying, naturally, but was willing to talk with me about it. All and all, everything she said seemed very healthy, and I now have very high hopes for her, and even for David to a certain extent.
We went out driving, I did my best to comfort her. We saw Chris at the theater, and baught tickets for the Matrix. Fun stuff. She didn't cry at all, and seemed more or less like her usual self. I hope I was able to help some. I don't know... I think I did what I could, but for some reason, I felt oddly stupid when I left, like she was trying to comfort me instead, trying to make me feel like I was helping her. A nice thought of her, but that sort of defeats the purpose. Oh well, I'll do better.
Practiced clarinet duets with Stephanie today. She's improved quite a bit since last time, maybe she isn't as nervous? She was definitely nervous at times, though I couldn't always be sure why. I was also being a little more flirtatious than usual, as until she makes a choice, I'm going to try and convince her to leave her boyfriend. I couldn't read her response to this. She smiled, and laughed, and on occasion responded in kind, but sometimes she seemed a little uncomfortable, and I really just couldn't tell if it was a good idea or not. She also seemed to be thinking about a lot, though she wouldn't share much of it with me. I understand it can be difficult sharing your thoughts with the people who are involved. Someday though, regardless of what happens, I hope she will be able to be comfortable enough around me to tell me what's on her mind; though I know sometimes it is just a problem of words not doing it justice.
Overall, I'd say things are going well. I feel sort of helpless. I'm doing everything I can, but it seems in the end all I can really do is wait. I'll wait for now, but I'm not sure how long. I don't want to spend my entire life waiting.
I'll find you, someday.
