2003-11-08 - 4:35 p.m.
This week has been like one long day. I don't really know how I feel about everything that's happened, my thoughts are all jumbled. I don't feel like writing a lot write now, so I'm just gonna list some facts for future reference:
Friday:Stephanie became unsure about me again
Saturday:Math competition, first place target and sprint round, second place relay, first place team round, second overall. Saw the Japanese Taiko Drummers... Awesome. Talked with Ausha, she was doing well, gave me her phone number (crap, never called her...)
Sunday: DDR party, called Stephanie to figure out what's going on. She'd almost broken up with her boyfriend, I figured out she was trying to decide between, came to the conclusion that she'd be happier with me. Told her as much.
Monday:Lisa and David breaking up? How can this be?! David was an asshole, Lisa dealt with it remarkably well. She really seems a changed person. Got tickets for 4:00 showing of Matrix. Practiced with Stephanie after school, flirted a little, got a mixed reaction.
Tuesday: First day of Symphonic band (yay, second chair) Talked with Lisa to see how she was, things are weird with her and David. She's showing a lot of maturity though, might be enough to get them back together even, and for what would be a much better relationship, I think. Talked with Stephanie, made sure she understood the difference between my feelings for her and for Lisa. Stayed up too late, again.
Wednesday: Programming competition at K-State. Worked in Flash, people laughed, I kicked ass in the advanced division, took first place once again, people stopped laughing... called Stephanie to see how her day had been. Seemed alright, though she was still holding back. Finally she told me:
"Chris... Oh, Chris, Chris, Chris. I... umm... Today, this afternoon I broke up with Daniel..." Somewhat unexpected. I talked with her about it, gathered that it still seemed like the right decision, she says that he's been changing for a long time now, and really isn't the person she fell in love with anymore. I was sad for some reason, though I should have been somewhat happy. And part of me was happy. Stayed up too late
Thursday: Felt empty that day, couldn't write poetry for class, felt sad and depressed because of that. Writers club, went to work, new projects. Called Stephanie again that night. Caught up in classes. Couldn't think straight, feelings and memories weren't fading from any of these previous days. Very confused. Stayed up too late again...
Friday: Was going to practice with Stephanie, but she had to console a friend. Went to an away game, got back late, called Stephanie to see how it went. Her plans had fallen through slightly, oh well. Stayed up a little late, had to get up at 5:00 the enxt day.
Saturday(today): All-district auditions today. Hadn't practiced enough, what with everything else in my life. Alarm wasn't going off loud enough, woke up at 5:30, so confused, having trouble sorting out my dreams from reality, it all kind of blends now. Got to school in the nick of time, was to be lucky player 13 to audition. I did that. It went fairly well. Read some poetry to Jason, somehow I've been able to find inspiration through all the clouding in my mind despite the way it destroyed me on Thursday. Took second chair in the all-district band. Got some wonderful music. I'm supposed to go to a party and spend time with a friend tonight... don't know how to get a hold of them, am feeling a little sick, can't figure out what is happening any more, need to take a break. Not tomorrow though, doing Unitarian volunteer work, spending time with Stephanie, doing homework. Maybe Monday or Tuesday.
Life's good, ain't it? Say, Tuesday is my birthday... got to remember to invite people to the party next weekend. Turning 18, any suggestions? One of my friends wants to take me to a strip club, hah.
