2003-11-10 - 8:12 p.m.
I feel like I'm finally starting to do the right thing. It is hard for me though. I mean, I want to help people, but how can I know what is best for them? I can't really, but I can do my best to figure it out. The problem is, that I'm always so short sighted. I know that people have greater problems to deal with, but I'm always too concerned with how the feel in the moment to worry about those. So I sacrifice their futures to make them feel good now. I have to stop. I can't do it all at once, I still have to learn, but I'm making a start.
Lisa's break up has led me to see this. Part of it is because I can't seem to think of any way to make her happy in the present now, except to leave her alone, which really doesn't help much. So I'm having to tell her a lot of hard things. At first I thought I couldn't do it, or that she wouldn't listen, but now I'm hopeful for the future. I've, or rather we've been able to get past some very scary spots(scary to me at least), and it seems to be positive.
I was going to say I should do the same for Stephanie, but there are more pressing concerns there. I mean, I should do the same, and will try, but I think the more important issue is trying to figure out what she wants and what I want. But I don't really feel like talking about that. The subject is spent on me, and I know what I must do. I believe it is the right thing, and that is enough... what more could I ask for?
