2003-12-30 - 4:07 a.m.
What the hell is wrong with me? I'm out of control, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what's right anymore; I don't even know if I want to do what's right. I'm lost, and I'm not trying to be found. But I hope someone will find. Please, remind me, help me understand. I think I'm going crazy.
Well, I don't, not really. I mean, I hope I'm not, but I feel that I might be now more than I ever have before. My fear is sincere. It is not hyperbole, or the kind of head over heals crazy that love brings about. I am truly afraid that I'm losing my grasp on reality right now. I can see it before me, the rational world, but it's as if it is no longer appealing, or I can't figure out why I've been clinging to it so much. I know this is dangerous. I know there are consqeuences. But I've stopped caring, stopped considering them alltogether.
I hope I'm just tired... but I'm afraid that isn't so.
