2004-01-25 - 8:44 p.m.
I found it amusing when I realized that the hero's true love was sacrifice. I didn't intend it to be that way; it just sort of happened. Maybe it reflects some belief I have that I don't accept on a conscious level. The hero, the traveler, the creator, the artist, conflict, sacrifice, and power. Seven seems like a pretty number. I wonder if there won't be others though? Memory perhaps, but not yet, because there is not much to be recalled. Although, perhaps it should start here as well. Actually, I suppose it should all be started here, but how to complete the list, there is really too much to go through. Just some ideas for now...
Perspective, hero
Traveler, memory
Artist, revenge
Creator, suffering
Power, creation
Sacrifice, true love
Conflict, pathos
I suppose the story of the creator will be the final chapter. After that, it should be complete, but I don't know what that will mean to me. I suppose it is the only that would let me sleep at night. I have had the rather insane desire to join my person with someone else, to somehow share the same destiny with another individual... yet they couldn't really be another individual. People say that we are incomplete on our own. It could be true, but would two people even do it? Would any amount cure the loneliness?
Is curing it even desirable? Probably not. I just get tired of the pain now and then. It really isn't much though, even if it does feel like the weight of all existence bearing down upon your back. It's just what everyone takes for granted that they have to deal with. So why should I take time to bitch about it? It really only makes it worse.
God, I feel like that boy in the movie. I'm going to let the pain get to me, and then in my insanity, I'll desperately seek a way out. But everything will fail. I will laugh at myself for being so stupid, as to think that I could ever find solace in another individual. I'll be wrong of course, but also right in some ways. My attempts were in vain, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. There must be a way, I will find it. Somehow, I will undergo a change, and discover why I could not see the answer before.
This is my prediction, as detailed as it is. I believe in it. I hope for better, and I am prepared for worse, but this is what it feels like will happen. I wonder where I developed such a strange idea. Time to get to work now.
