2004-01-31 - 3:17 a.m.
Girls are confusing. As much as I would like to understand the workings of their emotions and minds, right now I'm willing to settle on a better understanding of their physical aspects. Naturally this is something I should take up with Lisa, but the subject is a bit awkward, and actually discussing it is usually a little bit destructive to the mood. Beyond that, she has chosen to be rather vague on some points, and even more curious, has told me things that seem to contradict my actual experiences. Although I can't know for sure, it seems a safe assumption that girls, or rather women, feel differently about their bodies than men do. I would appreciate a better understanding of these differences, as I'm feeling ignorant once again, but it is difficult to learn by trial, and uncertain to learn by explanation. It would seem that I'm at an impass. Oh well, it isn't that big of a deal really. While I'd like to understand the experiences of women more accurately, there is certainly very little in my life that relies on that knowledge... I just don't like the stupid assumptions I'll probably make in my ignorance.
Alright, wasn't that fun? Not especially, no. The subject in itself makes most people uncomfortable, and coming from me, someone who does his best to maintain an air of innocence, makes it even more difficult. Hell, Lisa is still trying to get used to the idea, and we've been dating for a month now. So who do you talk to about these sorts of things with? Everyone is so touchy about it... I can't talk to anyone about everything, though there are several people I can talk to about some things. Lisa is who I should discuss most of this with, but while our relationship allows us to talk about certain things, it also prevents me from doing so in the frank, straight forward manner which would be easiest for me. There are other people I can talk to, but I have to be careful as to not disclose anything that Lisa might not want me to discuss.
The worst part of it all is this has me feeling as though I'm obsessing about sex or just the physical aspect of a relationship. I suppose I am, but I don't feel bad about it. This just happens to be what is difficult for me, what I have the hardest time understanding. I know there isn't really that much of a problem as well. If all else fails, you just do what comes naturally to you. I've been inhibiting what comes naturally to me for a long time though, and it is hard to undo that.
