2004-03-06 - 10:28 p.m.
I'm having a conflict with my mom about the amount of time I spend with Lisa. She's been upset because I've been staying up late, and not getting in at the times she has specified. Also, Lisa and her mom don't get along very well (which I attribute to her mom losing any sense of reason to anger at the drop of a hat), and when she talks to my mother, bad things happen. I'd have more sympathy for her if she had actual motives.
Basically, what her mother really wants to argue is that Lisa should do what she tells her to without needing a reason. But she knows that this won't look good, so she seeks reasons for her causes and becomes irate when her excuses are not excepted. Basically what it boils down to is, when Lisa isn't home by the time she asks, she worries that she might be in trouble, and if she is worried, she can't get sleep. This is false. I could believe this if Lisa had a good relationship with her mom, if she did always get home, but she doesn't. Lisa rarely is home when her mom demands, and she is never in trouble. This is even more so true when she is out with me, because it is that much more difficult to leave, and it's not just me, a large part of it is that being home makes her unhappy, precisely because her mother is always angry, and there is no sense in talking with her. So, if she isn't worried that Lisa is in danger, why is she kept up? She stays up because she is angry with Lisa, and that is all there is to it.
I'm not completely sure of my position on all of this, it is rather confusing, especially considering some of the people involved, but my current opinion is that Lisa's mom is bringing this upon herself by attempting to enforce unreasonable rules. It is somewhat ironic really, her parents are the ones who taught her to question rules and authority, and to be independent. They encouraged her to act like this, and then too late decided that they should try to make decisions for her. This is testimony to why it is bad to set one free and then attempt to cage them-- it would be cruel even if you could catch them again. So far I'm planning on just ignoring Lisa's mom. Tell my family to do the same, and then let Lisa's relationship with her dictate mine. If Lisa decides she will not listen to her, then I will support her and do the same. I am still thinking about this though. As much as I'd like to do this, it may be impractical, so I may seek a compromise which will naturally involve us giving quite a bit to appease her unreasonable desires.
Oh well. The most unfrotunate part of all of this is that she has caused my mom to start acting like her, and has her using the exact same arguments. It's sad, because my mother is generally much more reasonable, but lately she's gotten angry, and I simply can't talk with her. Nevertheless, my relationship with her has been much better, so I'm seeking ways to prevent it from deteriorating any further. I know that I would let it go if necessary. I need to be free as well, and I won't let my care for her stop that, especially when she is being unreasonable. But I'm compromising, I'm finding a way that will let me avoid that extreme. I talked with her about it tonight, trying to come to a conclusion that will allow her to not be so distressed when I'm out with Lisa, but it is difficult.
She keeps on bringing up irrelevant arguments and getting angry so that she becomes irrational. I don't appreciate it when she resorts to name calling, I'd expect better of her. She is very upset that Lisa doesn't have her cellphone on at all times, so that if I don't get back in time, she can call me. I try to get her to understand that this is pointless, that she's fortunate that Lisa has a cellphone in the first place, and that it is not the source of the problem. I mean, what if I'm just out with people who don't own cellphones? But she maintains that she needs some sort of back up plan if I fail to get home on time with her since I've failed so many times in the past. She tells me I lied to her for getting home at 2, when I said I'd try to get back by 12. I can understand why she would say this, but I specifically said "try" because I knew it was unlikely that I would be able to part with Lisa so easily. And I did try. I needed to get up early the next day, but I decided it wasn't worth leaving her. Everything she wants from me, she claims is for my own good. That is wonderful, now, let me worry about my own good, and stop, it is no longer your concern. That is cruel I guess. I can't just tell her to stop worrying. But why did she start all of the sudden? She never worried before.
Well, I finally explained to her that it wasn't Lisa's job to ensure that she could reach me anywhere at anytime, and offered the reasonable alternative that she buy me a cellphone if that is really what she needed. She said I would have to pay for it. At that point, she was in no state to continue talking reasonably, so I will get back to her later. I'm fairly certain that she will see the logic in it being her expense, since I have no need for it except for her benefit.
Enough for now, at this point, things seem to be moving in the right direction.
Good night.
